There are some basic ground rules for marriage that I’ve learned over the years from various places. The Holy Quran certainly gives clear guidance on the topic, too. Let’s go over a few of the ideas.
1. Marriage is a sacred bond between two people, based on mutual love, respect and understanding. “Husband and wife, by uniting together, cover the natural shortcomings of each other, and this union protects them from hardships and difficulties which one faces by living alone; the sun of happiness and prosperity shines on the horizon of life; and both, by their joint efforts, discharge all the duties laid upon them by human nature.”
http://www.ezsoftech.com/omm/wedding.asp
2. Marriage should not be undertaken lightly… it’s a serious decision! “…it is not a mere bond and unity between two physical bodies. Rather it is the assemblage of two spirits. Marriage is not aimed at attaining a transient joy, rather at reaching human perfection and perpetuating the human generation.” http://www.ezsoftech.com/omm/wedding.asp
3. Marriage doesn’t work with no work! Both husband and wife have to WORK to make things function in the relationship. There are times you’ll get tired, frustrated or sad with each other–be willing to forgive, be willing to talk things out. Don’t let things fester and get worse over time.
4. We can learn from people who have been married a long time!
My parents were married for 60 years, before my Mother died. My Father followed her two years later; he just pined away from missing her SO much.
This was a marriage that people forecast would never work. In fact, people criticized them and said it was a mixed marriage–Mom was from Boston (the northern part of the US) and Dad was from near Richmond (the southern part of the US). And Mom was Catholic and Dad was Presbyterian.
But they loved and respected each other–worked things out–had four children and sent them all to university, even though they never had the chance themselves–and spent 60 wonderful years together.
Mom told me one of the secrets of a long marriage is to never go to bed mad at each other. Even if you have to sit up late into the evening, do so and talk with each other until you reach an agreement on the issue. Then you can both sleep better and the issue has been dealt with.
As Muslims, we’re SO lucky to have the guidance of the Quran and the words of the Prophet Muhammad to guide us, in marriage as in many other things about life, spirituality, and love. Focus on the Truth that Allah has so kindly revealed to us, and enjoy spending your life with the one you love!
